Mudcat Café message #300639 The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #14194   Message #300639
Posted By: Peter T.
19-Sep-00 - 10:28 AM
Thread Name: Sgt.Kat and Her Howling Mudcat Commandos
Subject: RE: Sgt.Kat and Her Howling Mudcat Commandos
Meanwhile, very, very far away ---

"Mr. President. Mr. President." The insistent voice caught the President unawares rummaging on the floor behind his desk. He instantly bolted upright.
"French fry! I was looking for an extra french fry!!! Fell off the plate!! Really!! Nothing else!!!"

His secretary smiled wanly. Only a few days to go before the Federal pension clicked in. "Of course, sir. Of course. I have the Chair of the Special Operations Group outside."

The President hastily stuffed his snack into a side drawer. "Send him in, Ms. Demeanor".

She went out. The President inadvertantly stood up, as he always did when the Chair of Special Operations came in. There was something about him that always made the President feel inferior, like some desk jockey.

"You can go right in, sir."

Colonel Nick Rick Fury, head of Musicians Under Deep Cover And Thecrethy (M.U.D.C.A.T.), barged through the door as he always did. The President thought, as he always did, that Colonel Rick looked like some battered tank that had found its way into a ladies powder room.

"Welcome to the Oval Office, Colonel. I don't know if you have been here before."

"Once", growled Rick. "Long ago. Kennedy wanted me to extricate some stupid bastards stuck on a beachhead in Cuba. I told him that if he had asked me, he wouldn't have gotten into such a stupid mess. I told him that the Joint Chiefs of Staff must have been smoking joints that week."

The President went slightly pale, but recovered. "Well, Colonel, we are a bit of a mess now as well, and we need your help. "

"You don't want me to kidnap that Cuban kid, do you?"

"Christ, no. We want you to rescue your sister."

Colonel Rick laughed. "Sgt. Kat? You must be kidding. She spent half her life rescuing me. Have you seen those women she tails around with? I mean, Mr. President, it would be like you talking back to your " --- and Colonel Rick stopped himself just in time.

The President moved over to a low table. "Here are some reconnaissance pictures taken this morning from satellites over Afghanistan. Your sister, with her Howling Commandos, independently went in some time to bust up the Taliban, and has caused a real stir. "

Colonel Rick checked out the craters around the battle site. "Hmm. Looks like she was U.S. Wyowoman with her. God help the cameljockeys. " He moved over to the radio records. "Duckboots. It has Duckboots all over it. These gals will be running the country in about a week, Mr. President."

The President frowned. "It's worse than that, Colonel. We understand that among the new recruits is Sophocleese."

Colonel Rick smiled grimly. "Jeez, the dead goldfish song!! The Taliban could start sending war crimes allegations to the International Court at the Hague. Poor bastards."

The President at last got up enough courage to sit down. "Colonel. The National Security Council is very concerned that if this goes on much longer, the Taliban will approach their friends next door in Pakistan for help, and you know what that means."

"A nuke strike?"

"Sgt. Kat and her Commandos may be on the verge of starting a regional nuclear war."

Colonel Rick chewed on his cigar. "Well, she was always precocious. Spiritually, of course. I would hate to be any nuclear weapon that tried to tangle with her."

The President put on his most presidential look, which was difficult, given the little stray ketchup mark on the edge of his cheek. " Look, Colonel Rick, we need M.U.D.C.A.T. to get her out of there. "

Colonel Rick looked steely eyed at the President. "Can I have my own men, no questions asked?"

The President nodded.

"You'll authorize the release from prison of Mmario, the extrication of Lonesome EJ from the rehab clinic, the cancelling of the outstanding library fines against bert, Dave Swan's little indiscretion with the team of oxen and the gorilla suit, and all those beer tabs of Big Mick's?" The President shuddered, and nodded. They looked at each other, mano-a-mano. Both knew what was coming next.

"Catspaw. I have to have Catspaw."

The President groaned and put his head in his hands. There was a long silence. In the other room, he could hear Janet Reno wondering why she was being kept waiting. He winced, and raised his head, and slowly nodded. For the first time in his Presidency, he began looking forward to long quiet afternoons in his own Presidential Library.

Colonel Rick got up, and shook the President's hand. He turned to go, and then said: "Oh, one more thing. Is there any way you could pass a law against playing a G chord the wrong way?"

The President shook his head.

Colonel Rick shrugged his shoulders. "Had to ask".