Mudcat Café message #2475129 The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #115562   Message #2475129
Posted By: Emma B
24-Oct-08 - 03:04 PM
Thread Name: BS: It seems to me...
Subject: RE: BS: It seems to me...
Ah yes those 'old fashioned values'

From Deborah Ross: (The Non-Domestic goddess)

'Eager to get back to old-fashioned values, our guru says: what's wrong with wife-beating and child slavery?'

'In the end, we could only conclude that when anyone refers to a "traditional family" they probably have in mind some kind of Victorian family, and why not?
This would make sense because it was the time when all mothers stayed at home apart from in those rare instances when:
1: they were working class and had to be economically active;
2: they were middle class and had servants to do it all;
3: they were upper class and sent the children away.

To further inform us about this particular traditional family when mothers were always at home - except in the rare instances given above - a nice lady of the kind who is otherwise always on the radio saying children shouldn't know about sex until they are 37 (and Grange Hill, is at the root of all things evil), came in to give us a talk.

"Ladies," she said. "I try to run my own family along Victorian lines, and I think you'd be hard-pressed to find fault with us or complain about any lapses in traditional values.

"We cover the piano-legs, do not believe in lesbians, have all manner of hang-ups about sex, and so what if my husband beats me? After all, he has the statutory right to do so, so long as the stick isn't thicker than his thumb, and my husband would never, ever use a stick thicker than his thumb."

We congratulated the lady for marrying a man who wouldn't use a stick thicker than his thumb. A stick thicker than his thumb would be very bad news.
"Yes," she said. "He is a good man, an excellent man. He only, for example, visits prostitutes three times a week, which means he is probably at home more than a husband who plays golf."

"And your children?", we asked.

"Our son," she said, "goes up chimneys, of course, while our daughter hopes to become a prostitute one day, and why shouldn't she? If it was OK for the Victorians, then we're not going to argue with it."

She continued: "Of course, as a parent, it's essential that you learn to say 'no' to your children if they are to be brought up properly. So it's: 'No, you cannot watch The Simpsons and circle Claire's Accessories like other girls your age. Off you go now, and attend to your prostitute lessons.'

"Lastly, although we have no television - not that that will ever stop me talking about how evil Grange Hill is - or access to the internet, we have never felt the absence of either.

"On the contrary, we have spent many pleasant evenings together, as a traditional family with traditional family values, either further covering up the piano legs or helping the unwed parlourmaid strangle her illegitimate babies at birth. It sure beats Ludo. In fact, if there is no infanticide on the go, I now find that the evenings can seem awfully long. Give it a try."

And the alternative?, we asked. "Well," she said, "the only alternative is to accept the modern world for what it is."
Yup, we said. We think we'll go for that one, but thanks so much all the same.'