Mudcat Café message #1466901 The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #80418   Message #1466901
Posted By: GUEST
21-Apr-05 - 07:53 AM
Thread Name: BS: Biblical Quotes Support 'Premarital Sex?
Subject: RE: BS: Biblical Quotes Support 'Premarital Sex?
Heric, it is true that maturity gained from experiencing stuff (not just sexual) can't be turned back, and thus she will be better served by having this respected to a degree by parental beings. Growing up only moves in one direction (till senility, LOL). It's important she have some support, though, in gaining the emotional maturity that should have developed in paralle to the sexual maturity, but which probably has not fully developed because if she was pressured or misled, that development has not been reality based. This would be something her mom or you can discuss with her openly and frankly-- along the lines of "Yes I know you are a gorwn woman now in one respect, but the complete womanhood in store for you is far, far more marvelous than you can compehend right now. I can see it, but for now you can probably only see things as they feel they are, now. We want to help you grow into the fullness of your womanhood, and that means xxxxx ......"

But sexual activity is a matter the girl can exercise choice about. If she comes to a place where she decides that chastity is a better choice for now, she will need support. Why does she choose it, when it is difficult to maintain that choice, how does one maintain it, what is the point at which she needs to change the situation to maintain that choice.... that reading material on chastity/second virginity can be a powerful help to her.

But I would urge, no matter the course you take, I would urge that do not encourage her into either the victim role, the "your life is ruined" role, or the "bad girl/damaged goods" role. She may claim each of these for herself in turn, and it's OK for her to feel those feelings, tell them, process them, and grow beyond them. But kids that age have a way of internalizing the expectations they perceive are on them, and no matter what you SAY, what she will internalize will be the ACTION and tone of voice wrapped around the words.

If the adults cast any paradigm other than "you are a wonderful and powerful person who is dearly loved and lovable, with limitless possibilities to choose from, so let's start choosing," you will leave a trace on this event you do not want to leave.

The "all men are sex maniac, esp. at this age" talk is not helpful either. Girls either tune this out or use it as the basis for a lifelong tendency to see all men as bad. Our society has enough in it already that says men are the enemy.

~Susan