Mudcat Café message #1466891 The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #80418   Message #1466891
Posted By: GUEST,J
21-Apr-05 - 07:35 AM
Thread Name: BS: Biblical Quotes Support 'Premarital Sex?
Subject: RE: BS: Biblical Quotes Support 'Premarital Sex?
I agree with what others have said about forgetting what it's like to be teenage & experimenting for the first time. Not saying this applies to this particular situation at all btw, but in general...

first time I had sex (I'm a girl) I was 15, he was 19, we'd only just met & never saw each other again. Did it mess me up for the rest of my life? No. Was I coerced? No. Did I regret it? No, & still don't. I wanted to as much as he did, and I felt it took a lot of pressure off from my own curiosity. Yes if I'd got pregnant or caught a disease it would have been a different story but with the wonders of modern contraception it's possible to minimise the risks. Did my parents know about it? No, not at the time, but did later, it wasn't a problem. I was always quite mature for my age mentally and felt absolutely ready at 15, I guess a lot of people might not be but it's personal. So yes I was statutorially raped but I certainly don't feel abused or damaged in any way.

All I'm trying to say I guess is, very difficult to judge from the outside and while I have absolute sympathy with this particular situation and can see why the family & friends might think this is a terrible thing (& maybe it is), saying 'she's 14 therefore no argument, this is rape' may be legally true but doesn't really help.
Key thing I would have said is, does the girl want this, are they taking sensible precautions re: disease and pregnancy, is she a 'grown up' kind of 14 year old, does she know that she has support from her family NO MATTER WHAT and that if she's under any pressure to do things she doesn't want to do that she has close people around to back her up & take her side. Does she realise the implications of having a full sexual relationship emotionally, as well as the risks she's taking, however careful she's being, given that contraception can never be 100% reliable. If yes to absolutely all of the above and she seems otherwise stable and happy, then even though she is only 14 then when it comes down to it she is in control of her own body at the end of the day.

Reading the info from heric that's probably not the case, but even so, do need to bear all the above in mind when trying to tackle any of it. If she's anything like I was at that age, being told she's shouldn't do something 'for her own good' will only make her want to do it more...