Mudcat Café message #1273026 The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #20196   Message #1273026
Posted By: Ron Davies
15-Sep-04 - 10:31 PM
Thread Name: Train Songs
Subject: RE: Train Songs

Song sounds really promising. Solidly in the tradition of lots of good old train songs.

Curious about your rhyme scheme

Verses 1 and 2--internal rhyme in line 3 of each

e.g Smoke and steam and a Georgia dream
       In the smoke and damp of the labor camps

but then the internal rhyme drops out. I think internal rhyme is great for this sort of song--is it possible you could carry it on through the rest of the song (3rd lines)?

Love to hear the melody.

The last words "party on" would probably not be in a traditional song. Depends on what your goal is--if traditional sound is not important, it's no problem.

My hat's off to anybody who can write a traditional-sounding song-----congratulations!