Mudcat Café message #1146819 The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #67653   Message #1146819
Posted By: Richard Bridge
26-Mar-04 - 12:33 PM
Thread Name: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
I think it's better not to be judgmental on such a sensitive subject, but it seems (overall impression, not attached to a specific quote) that B+B feels that sex needs to be justified, and that there is something that is needed to justify a man's wish to have sex with her.

Hence, it seems, she thinks less of the man for seeking sex as such.

I think that if that is a disappointment to her, it is likely to be a frequent one. Sexual disparity will be more likely to disrupt than to cement a relationship.

From what I learn from my daughter and her friends, about their generation, disapproval of the sexually active woman is still to be found - expressions such as "slutty" are still more frequently used of women than men. But I think that that tendency (of which I strongly disapprove) is now less found - but of course the norms may be different between different generations and also different societies. My daughter's degree thesis was (I am proud to say - a difficult subject for a young woman!) on the sex artist Annie Sprinkles, and 30 years ago that would have been very hard to envisage, as would the idea of Sprinkles' work as non-phallocentric.

My limited direct experience, since the death of my long-term partner nearly a year ago, and also my observations of social sexual matters in the middle aged would be that the current single older generation is likely to be pretty damned direct if it is bothered, and not to bother at all if it cannot be much bothered. I also suggest that in many cases older singles (of either gender) may very well not want to settle down again immediately. A relationship will last as long as it lasts. Those with an affliction of the Pauline ethic tend to yoyo between moving in and moving out. Others may rub along together but keep it low key. At least that is what I think I see.

On balance therefore I tend to think that yes, B+B is out of touch with contemporary norms of both the young and the older, at least as far as the UK perspective is concerned.

HOwever, if she is in the USA, that country seems (in parts) to suffer more from the shibboleths of organised religions, and it may be that her views are in accordance with needs of self preservation against "righteous" outrage, and so within the bounds of normality, at least in some communities, there.

B+B, it's your call and you have to decide what you want to do and what is more likely to make you content. Having spent some time telling you my views, I now have to say that my own views don't matter. The important thing to you has to be your own views, but try to understand them before you act on them or you may make yourself less rather than more content. Remember, if you want a car but cannot afford a Rolls Royce, a mini may have to suffice.