Mudcat Café message #1137808 The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #67653   Message #1137808
Posted By: GUEST,Bothered and Bewildered
16-Mar-04 - 05:05 AM
Thread Name: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
Thanks Bob and Planet Guest, oh and Amos too, for what you have just said. (Must mention Amos, so he doesn't feel left out. Don't worry, Amos, I built my own furniture from 'handy flat packs' using the miniature screwdrivers I got inside a Christmas cracker. It may look like the Leaning Tower of Pisa and creek and wobble alarmingly when you sit on it, but it brings the risk and adventure of a Disney theme park into my own living room. I'm thinking of charging admission.)

You are right, Bob. Becoming single again after a long marriage is an eye-opener as to what is happening out there ! In the early days, post-divorce, you feel very vulnerable and confused - probably more so than you would want to admit to yourself at the time - and that is the time when people can easily make a lot of mistakes they may live to regret. I agree with you about the 'Fatal Attraction' fears, too. My recent persistant pursuer appears to have got the message now and has hopefully gone off to find someone else to pester. Fine as far as I am concerned, not such good news for them, unless they find his urgent attentions welcome.

I agree with you, too, Bob, that if you have children who are of 'dating' age and are still under your legal care, I think it's important that if you are warning them of the physical and emotional risks of casual sex, they don't see you doing that yourself, either.

I'm going to say a couple of things now that I'm sure some people here will disagree with, but I will be very interested to hear their point of view. This has been such a good discussion here. When I was first divorced, several years ago now, someone advised me not to even THINK of entering into a new relationship for at least five years. At the time, the thought of five years or more sounded ridiculous. I have now gone through that space of time (and no, I'm not ticking the days off the calendar to leap out there and "find" someone !) On the contrary, I can see how wise that advice was. It takes a long time to settle into the new person and the new life, to even know who you are.

Another thing that people may disagree with here: I would never, ever, start 'dating' (for want of a better word) someone until their divorce was totally final. Nor someone who had not yet ended their previous relationship. (If they treat her like that - what makes you think they won't treat you like that somewhere in the future ?) It seems there are a lot of predatory females about ! I have never understood the mentality of women who make a play for a man who is in a relationship (either married or not) and "work on" him, taking him away from his wife or girlfriend (or even be his "bit on the side"). Listen, ladies: If he can be coaxed away like that by YOU, what makes you think he won't be coaxed away from you some time by someone else ???

If all this means that I end up like the old woman in the song, in the garret with the parrot (and surrounded by my crazy flat-pack furniture) so be it. I am glad that Mudcat has an archive feature and the threads last forever. Many of you here are 'on my planet', and maybe I will be able to resurrect this thread in years to come, like some ancient long-lost manuscript, to report that I have met a fellow creature from my planet. Who knows ? But, for the meantime, I look forward to this discussion continuing, as it clearly affects a lot of us here.