Mudcat Café message #1133396 The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #67653   Message #1133396
Posted By: GUEST,Heart-broken
10-Mar-04 - 06:27 PM
Thread Name: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
BRUCIE: No - not a bad relationship: a heart warming, soaringly wonderful, thrilling, soul-matched relationship based on mutual emotional recognition, and unsparing honesty about hopes, dreams and feelings. Until, one day, the other, presumably, decided it had been a nice dream (or distraction?), they'd enjoyed the good feelings they got from it - but decided to shoulder their real life again.

It would have been nice to been part of that decision: instead of being left to work out that this wasn't just them needing time out, but, as the days turned to weeks and then months, in fact I had been summarily weighed, judged and dumped.

So, yes, this guy has ruined for it all the rest. Like the song: "Why'd you have to be so good?" etc. Have been so massively taken in despite being on my guard, and then after continual reiteration and confirmation that this was different - the chemistry felt right, this was someone who didn't want to bonk my brains out, someone who could hold me by the hand, lift me up tenderly, make me laugh through my tears - goddamit, he was nearly a woman!

I guess that because I grew up in a fairly academic circumstances where minds mattered more than gender I kind of assume that people are first and foremost interested in my mind. Sadly, I am very often disappointed and taken aback that that is not the case and, try as I might, I cannot adjust my personality "downwards": so, Little Hawk, I'm as surprised as you to find my own gender can be aggressive in dating. Yes, like you, I spent years convinced that "boys" were immune to less obvious charms and shortcomings.

Kendall (and Little Hawk) attracting the same sort of personality and blaming others. Well, all I can say is that demographics come into this. I know now that now being attractive and confident I get all kinds of men hitting on me which gets kind of boring and predictable. Which is why the one that finally I let get under my skin and other places (someone on my own wave length - which is pretty off beat on occasions), was all the more devastating, because it wasn't predictable but an, oh, so subtle, "horns of the buffalo", victory. One has to ask the question, why?

Why the completeness of the conquest (physical, emotional etc), did this satisfy some huge ego trip? EG: "Let's aim for someone lots of other guys want (and who holds out against them) prove she's no different, and can be had, in the end, just like all the others?" Perhaps they were proving something to themselves ....

I apologise for the "all (non-relationship) men are wankers" that was a sweeping generalisation.