Mudcat Café message #1132786 The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #67653   Message #1132786
Posted By: Little Hawk
10-Mar-04 - 03:00 AM
Thread Name: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
andi - Yup. You hit the nail on the head that time.

Heartbroken - You may be surprised to learn that I (a man) have come to sort of the same general conclusion about dating/living with women as you have about men! I can't be bothered anymore. But with some differences...

I feel no need to become gay in order to fill the void. Men don't physically attract me for some reason...and more importantly: There is no void! :-) I am quite happy being single.

I feel no reason to denigrate women now or complain about them, though. I still have a high opinion of them in a general sense, I just don't seem to find happiness in having romantic relationships with them. A little happiness, yes, but a whole lot more complication and heartache that kind of wrecks my emotional life as time goes by. It just doesn't work for me. I like my own company.

Masturbation? Well, it's okay, but it becomes less important as time goes by and one gets older. Not that I'm arguing against it. I'm not. If anyone finds it helps them enjoy life more, that's just fine with me. I've studied Taoist health techniques for many years, and I would suggest that men (but not women) need to lessen their indulgence in this practice as they get older for various health and energy reasons. All I can say is, you women are lucky when it comes to this particular matter! :-) You're like the energizer bunny. I am green with envy.

I was amused by some of the stuff you wrote. Yeah, the majority of men ARE boring and predictable! I've been noticing that myself ever since I was 15 years old (or even younger). I've always thought the average woman had a lot more on the uptake...but I think that's as much a result of cultural brainwashing as it is of innate gender characteristics. This society teaches men to be assholes, to put it bluntly. And most of them are so naive that they fall for it in their youth and never recover!

Pity them in their innocence, I say.

Yeah, the average middle-aged guy may be, as you say, "short, fat, grey, balding, with a preference for grey, sagging, nylon underwear, dubious laundry habits and a prediliction for boring the arse off everyone, but hey, he has a penis so that makes all the foregoing desirable?"

LOL! I love your description of the generic middle-aged guy. Here's mine: "reasonably tall, thin, barely any grey at all (at age 56), lots of hair on my head, cotton underwear (some saggy, some not), reasonably disciplined laundry habits, and hey, I have a penis, but I was tortured for years with doubts about my desirability, starting way back when I was, oh, maybe 14 years old. Having a penis wasn't enough, Heartbroken!!! I was deeply afraid that I was too thin, too shy, and not macho enough for the girls. I was afraid that my glasses would put them off, so I got contact lenses. I was afraid that they'd think I was too serious (they did, as a matter of fact). I was afraid that they'd be interested in more macho, popular guys (they were). I was afraid they would like loudmouthed, aggressive assholes better than a quiet, serious guy in search of true love (and this often proved true...but not invariably, I am happy to say)."

My description diverges a bit from yours, yes?

I'm writing all this cos I can't sleep, and I'm having some fun...your post really gave me a lot to think about.

Let's see. Hmmm. What else?

"All the good ones got snaffled long ago"(?) Yeah, probably. One can say the same of the good women, if one is inclined to be cynical about it.

"men not in relationships are generally (sexually and mentally) wankers" Hey, c'mon! I can call people names too, ya know. Bleagh! Phooey to you. I will respond by saying, look...most of the men who ARE in relationships with women are wankers. It's just a matter of averages. Us non-relationship guys are no worse, specially if we chose to be single. Maybe we're just not blind conformists who do what everyone told us to.

Internet romance? I do NOT recommend wooing people by way of a computer screen...but who am I to say? I know some happy couples who did it that way and lucked out. I know others who had the opposite experience entirely. I have my doubts about it.

Midlife crisis? Middle-aged men revert to being teenagers because they see their mortality looming up fast and they panic. They figure it's their last chance for the elusive happiness that they were TOLD they would find with a woman, back when they were impressionable little boys. Everyone told them that...books, movies, TV shows, their parents...what were they supposed to think? Now the poor fellow is getting old and grey and bald, his sexual energy is lessening year by year, his skin is getting wrinkly, his eyesight is declining, and he thinks, "Yikes! What have I done with all the time? I was promised not just happiness, but total ecstasy and fulfillment for life with the woman of my dreams. It still hasn't happened! I've only got a few years left! Gotta find that woman!!!"

It's sad. He was never told to look in the right place for his true happiness: inside himself in his own deepest heart of hearts...and in all the myriad of relationships that life presents to him along the way...not in just the one exclusive, sexually centered little domestic entanglement with the one exclusive goddess/whore of the fantastic and very unrealistic dream that was foisted upon him.

(My apologies to those of you who feel that you have indeed found her...may you be blessed.)

I think that about covers it.


- LH