Mudcat Café message #1132462 The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #67653   Message #1132462
Posted By: GUEST,Middle Aged Man
09-Mar-04 - 05:42 PM
Thread Name: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
My experiences, after I was divorced and started dating, were that women who were dating were pretty agressively interested in the physical aspect of things--men are too--Dating is about looking for love, romance, and all that other stuff--maybe for a lifetime, but also, maybe just for a little fling--

The thing is, when you meet someone, you either feel the chemistry or you don't--you are under no obligation to feel or do anything-- but when the chemistry is there, the good sense and practicality go out the window, and things tend to move real fast--If you are thinking that you want to wait six months, then you really are out of touch----not with the world, but with yourself--

It sounds like you are not romantically interested in this person--nothing wrong with that at all--maybe he isn't right for you, or you are not ready for a new romance, or you need to move your life in a direction that is not based on your relationship with a man--

The problem is that you've got this guy interested in you when you are not interested in him, and, worse, you are not recognizing that you are not interested, and are thinking that it has to do with your "being out of touch with the way things are today" or some such stuff--

First thing to do is tell the guy that whatever he is feeling, it isn't happening for you, and so there is not going to be any sex. Try not to make too big a deal out of it, but be crystal clear--

Next thing is to sit down and figure out if you really want to be dating at all--it doesn't sound like you are ready to me, and if you keep "dating" when you aren't ready for the expectations, you'll end up with more problems like this one, and worse--

If you want to spend time with men without the pressure,   get involved in a group activity like bowling or basket weaving, or singing folk music, and if someone wants to have a drink, make it a group thing--That way you can have fun without any awkward moments--