Mudcat Café message #1069200 The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #64934   Message #1069200
Posted By: *daylia*
10-Dec-03 - 07:20 AM
Thread Name: Obit: My Wife
Subject: RE: Obit: My Wife
David it's good to see you check in here, sounding so chipper too! I keep wanting to phone you every day, but don't want you to start feeling "babysat" either!   :-/

Thanks for being so openminded towards the debate about grieving above. And now a true confession ... I take responsibility for starting it, because a couple suggestions above did not sit well with me when I first read them. I felt that if I were in your place, I would NOT want people phoning me on the monthly anniversary of my loved one's passing, or bombarding me with photos and stories at every opportunity. At least, not until I'd resolved my own feelings and memories somewhat, and that would take some time I'm sure. The very idea of people doing that made me want to cry out "beam me up, Scotty!" Knowing that Two Bears has more experience helping people deal with situations like this than I do, I asked for his opinion. And so he checked in here.

I did suggest to him that if he wanted to present his insights re grieving here, he start a new thread to do it. I really wish he had. The debate above feels so insensitive and inappropriate on this condolence thread. Thank you again for being so accepting. And hey, maybe Heide is enjoying the debate after all, from the "Other Side"! Thanks for that too!   :-)

...debating is encouraged if kept in a friendly non-preachey fashion.   I second the motion!

She had a lot more spirituality than me

Heide studied and practiced different spiritual traditions more than you do, but I don't think that means your spirituality is in any way "less than" hers. I think everyone has the same "amount" of spirituality. Just like everyone has vocal chords, yet not everyone chooses to becomes a public speaker or a singer! Spirituality is part of human nature, and it's our choice to explore and develop it ... or not. There's LOTS of other important and wonderful things to explore!

I don't know what to believe in now! Well, if I were you I'd know exactly what to believe in -- myself and my ability to easily, lovingly and wisely handle anything life throws at me. You are one special dude!

And please know that you and Heide are still in my prayers, (believe it or not!)    ;-)

daylia