Mudcat Café message #1059075 The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #64659   Message #1059075
Posted By: wysiwyg
22-Nov-03 - 10:19 AM
Thread Name: BS: Nest - Empty or full?
Subject: RE: BS: Nest - Empty or full?
We wanted one to move back in temporarily because there are some serious brain-wiring issues there that had not been adequately addressed when she left prematurely, and then she also had gotten very sick with 4 rounds of mono, and no change in lifestyle to prevent another crash into three wall-- we wanted a year to get her on her feet and complete the parenting she pre-empted by leaving early. SHe made a plan to return and the, at the last minute, stayed with a bad boyfriend who had lured her away to begin with. (Not actually abusive-- just so immature and co-dependent that she was disappearing as a person.) Another year passed, and she (they) hit bottom. She figured out to leave him. I found the way she experienced this quite inspiring. She said she had been miserable for awhile (homeless-- living in their car or serially with newfound "friends"). One morning looked at herself in the bathroom mirror and saw herself-- and said out loud, "Wait just a minute-- that is not YOU. This is not even your own life you are so miserable about (it's his and he created it)! YOU are a skilled, smart, positive, peppy person, and you need to get back to THAT life!" So she did, that day, take action to leave-- had money wired for a nicely meditative bus ride across the western 2/3 of the country. (She got him to agree to pay the bill for all the things they had left in storage, and she calls the storage facility every month to be sure it has been paid!)

She then chose a family member to live with (and get well with) where the jobs are more plentiful than they are here where we are. She found an "entry-level" job that trained her, promoted her, and has paid her vey well (with benefits) in a large firm. She's made other good financial decisions too.

I still wish she had come back when agreed, and now she does too; but she did end up making a string of very good decisions and is doing very well now-- including, we hope, better boyfriend choices. And we are closer than ever as the boyfriend's anti-parent messages have worn off over time.