Mudcat Café message #1042587 The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #63952   Message #1042587
Posted By: Liz the Squeak
27-Oct-03 - 11:18 AM
Thread Name: BS: Bereavement
Subject: RE: BS: Bereavement
I've had a couple in my life - the first when I was 9, the latest only a few months ago, all at varying stages of distance, but at least 3 were family members. There have also been a few partings, which, although the person has not died, the relationship we shared previously, has. That's an even harder parting to come to terms with.

It definately helped to have someone around to whom I could talk about the person, they didn't have to know them, and in fact, in a couple of cases, it was better that they didn't.

It is alright to remember the bad things as well. It's one of the things that remind us the absentee was human and to admit that to yourself is a great part of 'the healing process'. (That's a nasty, horrid, trite little phrase, but valid - I hate it because it implies a beginning and an end - there is an end eventually, sometimes it takes years to find that end, and some people never really do). That process has already been described by many people who've posted here already. Learning to manage the bad bits is very difficult, but rose tinted glasses only make the truth harder to cope with in the end. To paraphrase from, of all things, Flash Gordon - it won't make you forget, but it will make remembering more bearable.

It's very easy now, to bury yourself in something, to be very busy and to keep putting off the hard facts you have to deal with. One day, probably in about 6 months time, the average person who has been sympathetic and supportive now, will probably fade away and you'll be left alone. That's when it will hit hardest. When you no longer have anything to distance you from it, and when your supporters are thinking you've got over it. Remember that we are always here, and you should know by now that we're a pretty supportive bunch of loonies.

Take care, and look after yourself