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GUEST,jim bainbridge Lyr ADD: The Building of the Pyramids (monologue) (29) RE: Lyr Req: The Building of the Pyramids (monologue) 07 Oct 19


Well, Graham, if you're still there, here's something like the version I got from John Greenwell in the Grey Hen pub in South Shields about 1964. It's emerged after 11 months in our new house & thought I'd post it before we move again...only joking
I gave it to Jim Irvine, whose lively performance of it at the Marsden Inn club has never been bettereed IMHO of course. It's the folk process, so I've included what little gems Jim added over the years, as far as I remember.

MOSES AND THE CHILDREN OF ISRAEL
BY A GEORDIE LAY PREACHER

Noo aa've jest cum ower the neet from the Kingdom Haal i' Gatesheaf t' tell ye aal aboot Moses an' the Children of Israle.

Noo ye aal knaa hoo Moses was fund i' the bullrushes by Phareh's dowter (lestways that wuz hor story). Weel, yors later Moses and 'ees lads wor workin' i' the clarts b' the Nile, myekkin' bricks f' Phareh. Noo one o' the gards cum up an sez 'Noo theor, Moses, Phareh wants t' see ye'.
So up lowps Moses from the clarts an' gans wi' the gard. 'E gets t' Phareh's tent & clashes twice on the door, feart that Phareh had a bit o'goods inside, like.
Cum in, sez Phareh, so in gans Moses. 'Mornin' Moses sez Phareh and 'Mornin' Phareh' sez Moses.
'Noo leuk heor' sez Phareh, gettin' strite t' the point, 'Youse lads is not mekkin' eneugh bricks for me Pyramids. They wuz ganna be geet big cubes but noo there's norreeugh bricks, so they'll aal hev pointy tops noo. Ye'll need t' myek twice as many bricks an' divvent ask for mair straa 'cos aa've got nen'.'. Moses says, 'Ar haway man Phareh, wuv gorrran aaful lorra work on & anyway aa knaa the lads'll nivvor agree t' that.
   So Moses gans oot, clashin' the tent door ahint 'im, and gathers aal 'ees men tigither t' talk aboot strike action.
'Noo lads, aa've jest been t' see Phareh and he wants we t'myek twice as many bricks an' wi' nee straa'
NEE STRAA' shoots the lads 'that's nee good, ye canna myek bricks wi' nee straa!! then up lowps Joshua- he's the one wi' the wellies on- an' sez 'Ar haway Moses, let wu dee off'.
'Reet' sez Moses' ye tyeuk the words reet oot o' me mooth. We'll aal dee away an' find the Promised Land. So hadaway yem, get yer wives & bairns & bogies tigither & we'll diidle away oot o' the toon'.

So, cum twelve o'clock, one o' the gards is jest dumpin' 'ees tab end ower the battlement waal when 'e sees Moses & aal the children of Israle gannin' tappy lappy oot o' the toon in in a clood o' dust.
The gard gans fleein' doonstairs t' tell Phareh. 'Gerron yer gallowas & hadaway efter them' 'e roars.
Meanwhile, oot in the desert, the lads wuz gettin' fair clemmed wi' thorst. Then Joshua- 'e's the one wi' the wellies on- sez 'ye knaa Moses, in aal the horry, wu' forgot the barrel o' Broon'.
'Nee bother' sez Moses, 'aa can dee summick aboot that'. So 'e reaches inside 'ees cloak & takes oot a wee bit stick- 'e brays a geet big rock, clittor clattor. an' then, behold, pittor pattor, oot came a stream o' broon ale.
The lads wuzelighted, slaked thor thorst an' then gorron thor bogies & d away t'wards the Red Sea. Noo jest as they wor gettin' near the watter, Joshua- 'e's the one wi' the wellies on- sez 'aa can hear Phahre and ees army wi' thor gallowas cummin' ower the hill.'
'Quick' sez Moses ' gallowas is faster than bogies'
'What can we dee' sez Joshua- 'e's the one wi' the wellies on- 'Divvent fash yersel' sez Moses and 'e lifts 'ees stick ower 'ees heid & waves it aboot. then a geet big fiery baal cum oot o' the sky an' a geet clood o' fire & smoke hides the Phareh & aal 'ees men.

'That's fooled them for a bit' laffs Moses.
'E then waved 'ees stick ower the Red Sea an' ye knaa the watters jest parted asunder....
or wuz it a Munda'?
So aal the children of Israle gans plodgin' ower t' the other side- Joshua had nee bother- 'e had 'ees wellies on.
Jest as they got t' the ither side, Phareh's men cum t' the watter's edge & started plodgin ower an' aal. But Moses put a stop t' that-'e waved 'ees stick again & aal the watter cum pourin' doon & drunded aal o' Phareh's men & thor gallowas.
Aal except one, whe was clingin' to a floatin' plank, when a greet big loud voice came doon from the sky....
'DRUND YE BUGGER, DRUND'
AND DRUND HE DID

so endeth the forst lesson

nb I had some trouble with the spell checker here


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