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User Name Thread Name Subject Posted
Steve Parkes Lyr Req: You Can't Do That There 'Ere (11) RE: Lyr Req: You Can't Do That There 'Ere 02 Sep 16

The 'jokes' aren't actually funny, and most of them don't even make sense, even allowing for the passage of time. I've made a few minor changes (a lot of big ones) and it's now, as my uncle would say, not a song you could sing at a christening. I tried it out in public on Tuesday and it was difficult to gauge the reaction, although they did join in the chorus. And the women in the audience are still speaking to me ...

YOU CAN'T DO THAT THERE 'ERE (with new material)

I'm going to sing a nonsense song; no doubt you'll think it weird.
The jokes are either very new or else have grown a beard.
The curate came on Saturday to our annual dinner,
But when he pulled his squeezebox out, we shouted: "Mister Skinner!"
Oh, you can't do that there 'ere!
No, you can't do that there 'ere!
Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere!

The shades of night were falling fast; the fire-bell gaily rang.
The engine dashed out with a whirr and pulled up with a bang.
They saved a lady from the flames, but, what was rather shocking,
She said, "Which fireman tried climb the ladder in my stocking?"

A publican was closing up as twelve o'clock drew near,
When in the snug to his alarm a ghostly form appeared.
"What d'you want?" the landlord asks, as behind the bar he cowers,
"You know I'll lose me licence, serving spirits after hours!"

A country copper saw a courting couple on a seat.
As he passed by, he heard the lady give a little squeak.
The p'liceman shone his lantern on the couple in the dark, sir,
And said: "Now, what's a-goin' on? I know your little lark, sir!"

The Jerries put some posters up in Berlin in the War
To try and sell some tickets for the dear old Führer's Ball.
When Goebbels cried, "With my game leg I haven't got a chance,"
Goering said, "Don't worry Joe, it's a raffle, not a dance!"

A p'lice inspector passing by a nudist colony
Was peeping through the garden gate for curiosity.
A lady in there said to him in a manner rather dreamy,
"Is that a truncheon officer, or are you just pleased to see me?"

Auntie Gertie's eighty-six and fit for anything.
She got engaged last Wednesday week to dear old Doctor King.
He examined her most thoroughly, she was looking rather peaky;
He said, "You've got acute angina," she cried, "Don't be cheeky!"

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