The version I (nearly) recall from Army days in the 60s goes
On the twelfth day of Christmas I took to bed with me Twelve tail-less tomcats (tailors' tomcats?) Eleven luscious lesbians Ten torn-off testicles Nine gnawn-off nipples Eight useless eunuchs Seven ???? Six pure-white virgins Five choir boys (always sung falsetto) Four shithouse doors Three poxy whores Two Girl Guides And my Lord Montagu of Beaulieu.
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