Mudcat Café Message Lyrics & Knowledge Personal Pages Record Shop Auction Links Radio & Media Kids Membership Help
The Mudcat Cafeawe



User Name Thread Name Subject Posted
jeddy BS: 'Some rape victims should take blame'- ?? (839* d) RE: BS: 'Some rape victims should take blame'- ?? 21 Feb 10


M the MG, the senario you describe ( sorry if this wasn't you but someone else, my memory is not my strongest attributte) is clearly not rape. it is regret, i wish we haven't done that last night.
if no force has been used either phyisical, or by incapcitation. then it cannot be rape. consent doesn't always have to be verbal. even if she doesn't take the leading role, but makes things easier for him by willing opening her legs makes her a part of what is happening. regretting something then changing her mind after the fact, still does not change what it was at the time.
i HATE women who do that! they are dangerous, not only to the man/men in question but to those of us who have been raped or assulted.

i want to say thanks to mp and cs for their support and their understanding. it means alot to me!

i don't have to explain anything, in fact i didn't have to say anything at all. it saddens me to think that people will always blame the innocent. if not blame then certainly think well she was there, so in part she desrved it.
i have told you all the things i have, not for your sympathy, but understanding. not for me but for the other women this has happened to that cannot get over it, or who are still going through the trauma.

let me explain what happed straight after, it might explain how i think about it.

i was only llowed out once i was dressed, he took the key out of the front door. i raced to the nearest phone box to call the police, i arranged to meet them by some shops a few streets away.
while i was waiting, a van that looked like his, turned up, i ran, someone (i think it was HIM) started to chase me, so i ran.
i ended up banging on someones door, i saw lights on and the tv flickering. i ahve no idea what road it was or who there were. i was lucky! they were a decent couple who phoned the police for me.

now i look back, i see that was a really stupid thing to do, i was scared out of my wits and was very open to more abuse. however, had something else happened it still wouldn't have been my fault, just a scared girl, in the wrong place.
the fault is always with the person who forces someone.

as for trusting others men afterwards, i had one extremely bad experiance, but that didn't cancel out all the good men i knew. in fact as i was asleep, the man tried it on, but took no for an answer the first time i said it. i wanted comfort and to feel safe, he understood that and was really good after i turned him down, i was crying and he held me. i didn't do it again after that but that was by choice, not because i was scared to.
i hope that by telling you these things, you show more compassion to others.
most things in life are not black and white. in cases of violence, sexual assult and rape, the aggressor is always in the wrong.
for violence i am not talking one hit and walking away. but the sort that is on the news pretty much constantly.

if the things i have said have changed anyones mind, or made them think abit, then i am happy.


Post to this Thread -

Back to the Main Forum Page

By clicking on the User Name, you will requery the forum for that user. You will see everything that he or she has posted with that Mudcat name.

By clicking on the Thread Name, you will be sent to the Forum on that thread as if you selected it from the main Mudcat Forum page.
   * Click on the linked number with * to view the thread split into pages (click "d" for chronologically descending).

By clicking on the Subject, you will also go to the thread as if you selected it from the original Forum page, but also go directly to that particular message.

By clicking on the Date (Posted), you will dig out every message posted that day.

Try it all, you will see.