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User Name Thread Name Subject Posted
SharonA Happy Thanksgiving... (48) RE: Happy Thanksgiving... 28 Nov 09


So, all the rhymes in the last verse end with -ance, eh? So would someone in a God-loving stance dance and prance like he had ance in his pance?

Sorry; couldn't resist! :-)

Seriously, though, if I were you, David Walkabouts, I would let go of the -ance rhymes altogether. Certainly the faithful consider their light (that they shine before men) worth more than a "glance"! Besides, we glance AT things, and the word "at" is missing from your verse. In other words, you're working too hard at trying to make the -ance rhymes fit the meter, and the verse ends up sounding extremely contrived. Time for a rewrite!

SharonA, fellow poet/songwriter


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