Mudcat Café Message Lyrics & Knowledge Personal Pages Record Shop Auction Links Radio & Media Kids Membership Help
The Mudcat Cafeawe

User Name Thread Name Subject Posted
The Walrus Lyr Req: Funny songs about the Police force (46) Lyr Add: ASK A POLICEMAN 03 Aug 07

Guest PMB,

I think the line
"...To show them we're the beaux gendarmes (bis)..."

should read

"...To show them we're the bold gendarmes (bis)..."

Ask a Policeman

The p'lice force is a noble band
That safely guard our streets,
Their courage is unquestion'd and
They're noted for their "feats",
If anything you wish to know,
They'll tell you with a grin,
In fact each one of them is
a complete "Enquire Within".

If you want to know the time,
Ask a P'liceman!
The proper Greenwich time,
Ask a p'liceman,
Ev'ry member of the force
Has a watch and chain, of course;*
If you want to know the time,
Ask a P'liceman.

And if you stay out late at night
And pass through regions queer,
Thanks to those noble guardians,
Of foes you have no fear.
If drinks you want and Pubs are shut,
Go to the man in blue,
Say you're thirsty and good natured, and
He'll tell you what to do.

If you want to get a drink,
Ask a P'liceman!
He'll manage it, I think,
Will a P'liceman!
He'll produce the flowing pot,
If the Pubs are shut or not,
He could open all the lot-
Ask a P'liceman.

And if you servant suddenly
Should leave her cosy place,
Don't put out an advertisement
Her whereabouts to trace.
You're told it was a soldier who
Removed her box of clothes.
Don't take the information in,
But as the one who knows.

If you don't know where she is,
Ask a P'liceman!
For he's "in the know" he is
Ask a P'liceman!
Though they say with red she flew,
Yet it's ten to one on blue,
For he mashes just a few,
Ask a P'liceman.

And if you're getting very stout
Your friends say in a trice
"Consult a good physician, and
He'll give you this advice;-
'Go in for running all you can,
No matter when or how;
And if you want a trainer, watch
A Bobby in a row.'"

If you want to learn to run,
Ask a P'liceman!
How to fly,though twenty "stun",
Ask a P'liceman!
Watch a Bobby in a fight,
In a tick he's out of sight;
For advice on rapid flight,
Ask a P'liceman!

Or if you're called away from home,
And leave your wife behind;
You say,"Oh! would that I a friend
To guard the house could find,
And keep my love in safety," but
Let all your troubles cease;
You'll find the longed-for keeper in
A member of the P'lice.

If your wife should want a friend,
Ask a P'liceman!
Who a watchful eye will lend
Ask a P'liceman!
Truth and honour you can trace
Written on his manly face;
When you're gone he'll mind your place,
Ask a P'liceman.

Any use?


* It was believed, in some quarters, that no drunk could hope to keep his watch and chain and that every policeman (co-incidentally)would have one

Post to this Thread -

Back to the Main Forum Page

By clicking on the User Name, you will requery the forum for that user. You will see everything that he or she has posted with that Mudcat name.

By clicking on the Thread Name, you will be sent to the Forum on that thread as if you selected it from the main Mudcat Forum page.

By clicking on the Subject, you will also go to the thread as if you selected it from the original Forum page, but also go directly to that particular message.

By clicking on the Date (Posted), you will dig out every message posted that day.

Try it all, you will see.