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User Name Thread Name Subject Posted
Matt_R Lyr Req: 5 Pounds of Possum (and other roadkill) (47) Lyr Add: FRED (Lee Cheney) 15 Jul 06


Ray Stevens used to do this one:

FRED
(Lee Cheney)

Fred was a dog I used to own, he used to answer the telephone
And every now and then he took the truck to town for groceries.
Me and old Fred got along real well -- at the checkerboard, old Fred was hell
And he never minded takin' his turn doin' the dishes.


But when Fred was just about two years old, he started actin' kinda bold
Chasin' after that beagle that lived across the highway.
He was down there day and night, and I told him:
"Fred, you know you'll have to fight"
He said: "I've already whipped everything between here and the railroad!"


Oh, Fred, you are a good dog,
But the women got you runnin' wild and crazy as a loon.
Fred, you are a good dog,
Now you're chasin' cars around the bars and howlin' at the moon.

One night Fred came stragglin' in, he's lookin' bad, but he's wearin' a grin
He said: "Boss, I took a wife and I want you to meet her."
She didn't have very much to say -- it's plain to see she's in the family way
She said: "Fred you better go back and get my suitcase."

But Fred never made it to the other side, right in the middle of the road he died
Flattened by a trucker haulin' dogfood.
Now his wife is livin' here, yappin' at her kids and drinkin' my beer, and she won't drive the truck, nor do the dishes!

Oh, Fred, you were a good dog,
But you never knew when to chase 'em and when to turn around and run.
Oh, Fred, you were a good dog,
But you're flat out on the highway, a-dryin' in the sun.

Now old Fred's gone, and I'm kinda glad, 'cause if he was here now he'd sure be mad...
Not one of those pups looks anything like him!


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