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User Name Thread Name Subject Posted
Hagbardr Lyr Add: Abuse (4) Lyr Add: ABUSE 13 Dec 99

Here's one I learned at SCA and Markland events:
The tune is "Sweet Betsy from Pike" and my copy of the lyrics attributes Felemid MacDougal as the author.
It's also quite useful in "Most tasteless song" contests.

I've been tied up with leather and beaten with chain
I've bathed in lime Jell-O and suffered great pain
My dear I'll be truthful, I won't be obtuse
I know it's our first date, but I want abuse

Abuse! Abuse! I like abuse!
I've never had anything quite like abuse
I've had lots of lovers who tied me up loose
But I've never had anything quite like abuse

My mother and father think I'm kind of sick
Lighting my pubic hair up with a Bic
My brothers and sisters say I am obscene
Using sandpaper dildoes with no Vaseline

I like small furry creatures who claw and who bite
There's something about them that's tingly and tight
There is but one drawback to this kinky mode
You have to use duct tape or they will explode

I like meeting new people as I go on my way
I never do suffer for something to say
I walk into biker's bars, calling them gay
Bike chains and pool cues, they just make my day

Necrophilia, really, I think is the best
The dead don't laugh at you when you get undressed
They never get angry, they never get miffed
And the best thing about them is they're always stiff

I've been tied up with leather and tied up with twine
And even silk stockings, they work out just fine
But I've hit on something that might cause some dread
Rope is for wimps, I'll use barbed wire instead

Now those of you gentles who've heard this sad song
May say It's too bawdy, may say it's too long
May say I'm disgusting, or my morals are loose
But I guess we all get our fair share of abuse

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