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Billy the Bus Andys Shed One of an Occasional series (34) RE: Andys Shed One of an Occasional series 21 Jul 04


Stewart Island (NZ) has a fine Shed Culture. Some are used for shed parties, others contain a wonderful assemblage of tools and 'bit's'things'. My old mate 'Arkwright' was our shopkeeper = now he has a digger, front-end loader a couple of trucks and a heap of other bits'n'bobs. Basicly, He "sell's holes and collects sheds". Arky's 'off-island', celebrating his 60th B'day in Chistchurch.

What a collection of sheds Arky owns. Here's a poem from 2000 about Shed #1. OSH = Occupational Health and Safety, who get a bit paranoic about safety in whorplaces.

Arkwright's Shed

Years ago, so 'tis said, Arkwright built a shed.
The neighboirs were all out for slaughter.
They thought it was poor, to be living next door,
To the Island's industrial quarter.

It's a "shed", for the yarn, but it's more like a barn,
You could near fit a footy pitch in it.
Arky vowed and declared, no junk stored in this shed,
Now of course it is filled to the limit.

There's a boat that won't float, like a duck with the bloat,
Arkwright scored it in one of his deals.
There's a pukaru truck, that ran out of luck,
Brakes, clutch and a couple of wheels.

There's old dozer treads, stuff you'll find in most sheds,
But the things that astounds are the tools there,
There's stuff Mr Melhop wont have in his workshop
You could damn near build a battleship in there.

There's a lathe in that shed, with a ten foot long bed.
Fair turns up a storm when rotating.
If my whiskers got caught, my life would be short,
I'd be spinning, there is no debating.

It was last Wed-nes-day, that OSH came our way,
To check out the Island for safety,
All tools must have guards - no junk in our yards.
I panicked for Arky, my matey.

I swore it's for sure, Arky ain't locked the door,
All the time that the shed's been erected.
Anyone can walk in, with a skin full of gin,
Use the tools there with safety neglected.

When they saw Arky's folly, OSH would go off their trolley,
And insist that his door he sould lock it.
Yes, bolt up the tools.. but alas the poor fools..
Lock the door? When he ain't even got it?

Cheers - Sam - Stewart Island (NZ)

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